Before That First Step

The disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

The boat was Peter’s safe place. Even though it was storming, being in the boat was safer than being tossed in the waves.  Jesus said come, Peter had faith in who Jesus said He was, He took the first step. He walked on water. My boat was the hospital when Olivia was born. If you have watched This Is Us, I kind of felt like Mandy Moore’s character as she was about to leave the hospital with the triplets, because the day we left the hospital with Olivia, I was a bit emotional thanks to my body adjusting to all the hormone changes after you give birth. A bit emotional is actually an understatement.  I felt like an emotional nutcase as many women do as their body adjusts. I broke down in tears talking with Mike wondering how we were going to handle life with two children, and then again in front of the nurse as she talked me through the discharge information, signs of post par tum depression,  etc. The hospital was safe, and we were going out on our own again. In remembering this back, this doesn’t seem like a big deal as people give birth and leave the hospital all the time, but when hormones are in the mix it can feel like a really big deal!

“Come,” Jesus said.

It came time for us to leave and I was fighting back tears as we walked out to the car as a family of 4, but as scary as it may have felt I had faith that God was with us and I took the first step, and the next steps that came after that. And you know what? It was okay, and it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. God was with us. He sustained us, and now almost 2 months later we are settling into our normal routine.  Mike has gone back to work, and I am enjoying my time on maternity. Olivia already has a little social calendar, and Charlie is loving having a little sister.

As much as we are adjusting though there are still times that I doubt. There have been some tough moments. Charlie spills the carton of milk as I am feeding Olivia. There have been fearful moments. How am I going to get my house ready to have 25 people over on Christmas eve with a toddler and a newborn? There have been doubtful moments. The thought of going to the grocery store with 2 children! The list of tough, fearful, and doubtful moments can go on. However we have learned that no matter how scary the situation looks, we have to keep taking the first step in faith that where He leads, He will be there every step of the way.

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What is your boat? What scares you about getting out of the boat?  What makes you think “how will I ever do this?” Where are you avoiding taking that first step? People have called me brave and courageous before, and I feel like that couldn’t be further from the truth. There are so many times that I’m scared. I could tell you  lie after lie that I believed in why I shouldn’t have faith and step out of the boat. Recently the statement was said to me the day after a tough sleeping night with both kids “I don’t know how you are going to handle going back to work”. I  could easily believe that statement. Easily! But let me tell you something…the devil is a liar. Let me repeat that. The devil is a liar. He whispers, and sometimes screams “You cant!” I bet the devil was whispering to Peter “Peter, you can’t walk on water!  Don’t listen to Jesus. You are going to drown”. But He believed in Jesus and had faith in His leading. Jesus encouraged Peter, and gave him the strength to take the first step out of the boat.

There is a piece of scripture that has trampled the lies though. Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” I remember I can, because He is. Jesus says “Take courage. I am here. Come.” So take the first step out of the boat, but before you do that have faith that you can, because He is.

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