After 10 weeks of maternity leave after Olivia was born, I went back to work this week. I couldn’t imagine that the thought of leaving Olivia would be so hard, but last week I teared up just at the thought of leaving her. At the time, I hadn’t been away from her for more than 2 or 3 hours, but the thought of 9 hours really got to me. I am not sure if she wondered where I was this week, but I can imagine she must have noticed that mommy, the one who always seemed to be there, wasn’t.
But me, I knew where her and Charlie were and I couldn’t wait to get to pick them up this week and bring them to the place I call home. I couldn’t wait to give them hugs and see their beautiful faces. One day as I pulled into the driveway I saw Charlie looking out the window for me, and when he saw me his face lit up with the biggest smile. My heart melted. He knew I was there, and that I would bring him home.
“My people have been lost sheep; their shepherds have led them astray and caused them to roam on the mountains. They wandered over mountain and hill and forgot their own resting place.”
Have you ever felt lost? Like you are roaming around life and don’t really know where you are going? Have you forgotten your resting place? Are you asking God where He is? Sometimes if I am upstairs at home, I will hear Charlie downstairs say Mommy, where are you? I will let him know where I am, and he will say okay. Sometimes it’s not so easy though to have that assurance. I read a story this week of a 2 year old boy and his little sister who live in Honduras. A 2 year old boy and his little sister? Hmm. This story had my attention. They got caught in a house fire. I can not even fathom hearing that thought as a mother, and I am not sure how 2 year old’s thought process works, but as the fire was beginning to blaze I can only imagine what was going through his mind. What’s going on? Why does this hurt? Mommy, daddy, where are you? Mommy, daddy, save me! Oh my heart aches thinking about this, and you know something? Life can feel like this sometimes. I don’t know how things got so bad. I feel like I am in the fire. God, where are you? Save me.
And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.
A teenage boy saw the fire and “doused himself in water before storming into the house to save the children”. I can just imagine this teenage boy running into the house frantically, but courageously, trying to save anyone he could, and swiftly scooping up the 2 year old boy and his little sister, and bringing them out of the fire.
Charlie knows me, and the day I picked him up and he saw me in the window, he was smiling because he knew that I was going to bring him home. Because I know my God, if I look back and ask Him where He was during the times that I wasn’t walking His path and when He may have seemed like He had disappeared, I know He would say I was there when you were laying in the parking lot sobbing and heartbroken. I was there that Easter when you walked into that small church and were so rocked by the message that you could barely stand. I was there the night when you were scared and didn’t know who you were. I was there when you felt alone. I was there when you felt like you were existing and not truly living. And I quickly welcomed you home when you walked back into my arms and I walked you out of the fire. I can look back, smile, and feel my heart melt knowing that my God never left me. He knew where I was, even if I didn’t. He was there through it all, with me, and with you in what you are facing in life.
But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’
Luke 15: 22-24
I love this father’s heart for his son. He quickly wants to celebrate that his son is home. I can almost feel the joy this father feels, and how God must feel when one of his children returns home. This week I feel like I got a small glimpse of Gods heart for His children, the sadness He may feel when He is separated from them, and the joy that is felt when they come running into His arms.
The first morning I was going to drop her off at daycare she held my finger. Oh little girl, you can hold my finger forever just like you hold a special place in my heart. Oh beautiful one, He will hold your heart forever. God is not slow to show His affection for you. Just run to the One who loves you and is waiting with open arms to tell you I know where you are, I never left you. You were lost, but I now call you found. You are now home.