We aren’t going to treat it. It will go away on it’s own.
That is what Charlie’s doctor said to me last week, when I took him in because his tonsils were swollen. Let me translate for you in one word what he meant by his statement. Wait.
Charlie has a good doctor who we trust, but I must have had a blank stare on my face because the next words out of the doctors mouth were Are you okay with that?
I don’t like that answer. My child isn’t feeling well. I want a quick fix, I don’t want to wait. It had already been 2-3 weeks.
I guess I have to be.
So continued the waiting, and so did the bedtime/nighttime battle that has seemed to go on forever. This battle that had lead us to find that Charlie’s tonsils were swollen and the first diagnosis of thrush was wrong. This is the battle that also lead us to give up the bedtime fight (that consisted of eating dinner in our bedroom every night because the second we shut his door after putting him to bed he would whine and cry). This battle was frustrating, but ultimately we had to consider what was best for our child. Is love fighting a bedtime battle with a child that doesn’t feel well for hours each night? Is that love?
For us, the answer was no. So I set up camp in his bedroom, and put his mattress next to the one that I have been sleeping on. And currently, this is the mattress I am writing this on as Charlie is asleep next to me.
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD
I will be the first to tell you that I don’t like waiting. When I pray I can be guilty of wanting the quick fix. Waiting used to really frustrate me. And I will be honest, it is hard to know your child isn’t feeling well, and you are told to wait. We have been praying for his healing, it seems like nothing is happening, and we have continued waiting. Not easy. Sound familiar?
I was driving home the other day from work, wondering when our nights would go back to normal, and I heard His gentle whisper. What do you know to be true? Well that is a loaded question. What do I know to be true?
I know He is good, and he loves Charlie more than I do. I know that when I pray, He is moving even if it is not in the way that I am asking. I know that the time of waiting should never be wasted with thoughts of worry. I know that there is beauty in the waiting. I know that when I give Him my worry, He gives me His peace.
Lay It At The Altar
Once we gave up the bedtime battle, I gained so much in return. Since I am the one that has slept on the mattress in his room, I don’t have many distractions. I don’t go to bed at 7 pm, but as I have sat next to Charlie night after night while he falls asleep, God has met me every single night. I have taken this time to read more, write more, and spend more time in my prayer journal.
Isaac and Abraham got a ram, Charlie got ice cream.
Today as I was driving again to get Charlie checked at the doctor, I felt like God whisper something else to me. Lay him at the altar. And let me tell you, I bet Charlie felt a bit like Isaac when his father laid him on the altar to be sacrificed, as I was holding him telling him I loved him as the nurse stuck a needle in his arm and took blood. I saw the fear in his eyes, just as I bet Abraham saw the fear in Isaac’s eyes. How can my mom be telling me she loves me as she is holding me and allowing this lady to poke a needle in my arm? And maybe you are thinking, how a loving God can make you wait so long to provide what He has promised you?
What are you waiting for? Sometimes waiting can feel like a battle. Like we had to give up the bedtime battle and lay our son at the altar, He wants you to give up the battle you are fighting, and lay it at the altar while you are waiting so He can show you the beauty of this time. Abraham and Isaac got a ram. Charlie got stickers, two lollipops, and ice cream. You get His peace, His joy, and His strength.
God asked me what I knew to be true. It is the same question He has for you. What do you know to be true? Take some time to consider this, and focus on this as you wait.
Lay your worries and frustrations down. Lay your time of waiting down. Know that when you are praying, He is listening and He is moving. Know that there is beauty in the waiting. Know that when you lay what you are waiting for on the altar, He promises the lamb. The Prince of Peace that will meet you right where you are.